I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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