pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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