On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she woke up with a sticky ear
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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