Joe is yelling at the trees again.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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