She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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