my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
