its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
