it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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