if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
