Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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