TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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