I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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