Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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