Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
