You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
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he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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