i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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