I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
