I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Holy shit dude........stairs
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
