If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
