we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She's the barista slut.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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