so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
