if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
