"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
