I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize