Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
