YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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