i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
