this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
