I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
