never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
