why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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