I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
