i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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