Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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