i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
