Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
