took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
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I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
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trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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