i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize