Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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