Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
