is your mom at the bar?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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