She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
