She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
