i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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