another moral hangover. fuck.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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