i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
