Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
there was a trapeze. enough said
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
