"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize