Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
