Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
No subtext here. People are naked.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
