Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
