you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
