I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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