So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
