So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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