I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
