i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
