That's intense
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
