On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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