K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
