I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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