The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
