I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
