Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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