woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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