1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
