Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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